Why we armchair

In the last two years or so I have gradually transitioned away from experimental-behavioral and computational work towards a larger proportion of what used to be called “pencil-and-paper” research: the development of theories, formalisms, and analyses. (“Description” also is pencil-and-paper in the relevant sense, but I am not really trained as a descriptive linguist.) While there are several reasons for this, one is the rather poor state of science funding in US, which suggest that we may be entering a moneyball era for linguistics.

When describing or presenting my pencil-and-paper work on phonology and its interfaces with morphology (which, to be fair, is mostly done on my trusty desktop computer, and which is sometimes quantitative), a few colleagues have suggested that I ought to be doing fine-grained acoustic or articulatory phonetics instead. I find this suggestion vexing. Consider something like my analysis of Spanish “raising verbs” in Gorman & Reiss (in press), which in turn is used to illustrate a series of formal-theoretical proposals under the umbrella of the theory of Logical Phonology. What could phonetic analysis contribute to this discussion? It’s obvious that, e.g., p[i]do ‘I ask’ has the same surface vowel as in v[i]ivo ‘I live’ whereas p[e]dir ‘to ask’ has a different surface vowel, one that is the same as the surface vowel in sum[e]rgir ‘to submerge’.  There are of course are subtle differences betwene renditions and speakers, but there’s no reason to think those differences are relevant to the analysis of raising verbs. Anyone reading this is welcome to show that I’m wrong, but I for one think it’d be a waste of time to so much as check. 

Similarly, a few colleagues have suggested that I ought to be doing human subjects experiments to figure out how such things (i.e., Spanish raising verb alternations) work. I too find this vexing. Now one can do a wug-test, and people have, but it’s not really clear what one gains from this, since we don’t have an agreed-upon linking hypothesis. Indeed, the most likely hypothesis is that adults are using a mix of task models, some of which might be relevant to our account of raising verbs, but some of which surely aren’t. How any of this might link up to the relevant linguistic notions like underspecification, morphophonological rules, suppletion, etc.—whatever you think the relevant notions might be—is unknown. A colleague thought the task ought to be some kind of online processing experiment, exploiting an unspoken form of what we might call a “derivational theory of complexity”, a totally discredited idea from before I was born. Similar issues plague neuroimaging work. The sorts of things that we can instrument in the brain at present—single-neuron firing rates as measured by single-cell recordings, magnetic current in boxes of 50,000 or so neurons as measured by MEG, blood oxygen levels in boxes of million or so neurons as measured by fMRI,  the smeared electrical currents measured by EEG, and so on—simply do not match the “grain size” of the linguistic constructs we are interested in (Poeppel & Embick 2005): a single neuron is almost surely too small to store a “raising rule” (whatever sort of thing that is), and a fMRI voxel far, far too large.

I am happy to have phonetician, experimental linguist, and neurolinguist colleagues, I just think that it’s sort of their j-o-b to figure out how to translate interesting linguistic ideas into something their tools can test, and I somewhat resent the implication that I am leaving hanging any phonetic or experimental low-hanging fruit. In those rare cases where I myself have ideas that I think can be tested using phonetic analysis or human-subjects experiments with clear linking hypotheses, I do phonetic analysis or human-subjects experiments. Indeed, the august National Science Foundation has even funded some of these experiments. But most of the time, I don’t—we don’t—and so I theorize, formalize, or analyze instead. 

References

Gorman, K. and Reiss, C. In press. Metaphony in Substance-Free Logical Phonology. Phonology to appear.

Poeppel, D. and Embick, D. 2005. Defining the relation between linguistics and neuroscience. In Cutler, A. (ed.), Twenty-First Century Psycholinguistics: Four Cornerstones, pages 103-118. Routledge.

A callout post

A few years ago I wrote to an eminent phonologist noting a small omission in a publicly circulated manuscript of theirs marked “to appear in [major journal]”. They took the suggestion politely. In a follow-up, I asked when the manuscript would appear in [major journal]. They—the eminent phonologist, who I am keeping gender-neutral purely for anonymity—said they had no idea: the paper had been accepted to said major journal with minimal revisions years and years earlier, but they’d never bothered to send in the final version of the manuscript to the editors.

I realize it’s easy to let work, even good work, gather a bit of dusk. I’m guilty of this myself at times and I imagine it happens even more when one is eminent. But what this essay supposes is that it is bad for work, particularly by eminent linguists, to sit in public view without peer review, for years or even indefinitely.

Let me provide an example. I am working on a revision of a squib in which I provide a simple analysis of [phenomenon]. My motivation for interest in [phenomenon] is more or less that I saw a talk, a few years ago, presenting an alternative analysis for [phenomenon] using [bizarre theory]. While I am not ready to say that [bizarre theory] is “completely mad” (as one of my less-eminent colleagues has it), it was promulgated in a manuscript by an eminent phonologist (a different one this time) and that eminent phonologist’s eminent former student. That manuscript has, by now, circulated for a decade without any sort of peer review, but it has racked up hundreds of citations, and while certainly interesting, it raises many, many more questions about [bizarre theory] than it answers. This is a roundabout way to say, then, that [bizarre theory] has at its foundation a paper that would not make it through double-blind peer review in its current sketchy form. That’s not to say that a full explication of [bizarre theory] wouldn’t make it into print, but I suspect a peer-reviewed version would be much more valuable for the field than the decade-old manuscript we actually have.

So to be clear: I think these eminent linguists should just polish up these manuscripts and send them off for peer review. I for one have never had a paper which wasn’t substantially improved by peer review. And in particular, I think it’s borderline unethical for these eminent linguists to treat unpublished manuscripts as good enough for their graduate students to base a dissertation on, for instance, if they’re unwilling to even debate the work with their peers.

Actually, chess has a tech tree

A few years ago, Elon posted (it’s a real tweet; just screenshotting for posterity) that Chess doesn’t have a “tech tree”:

see full tweet at https://x.com/elonmusk/status/1841521084559945980?lang=en

I disagree. First, there’s promotion of pawns. Then, there is castling, which moves the king from a center file to relative safety on the side, at the same time moving a rook into the center and a more active role. And of course we speak of developing one’s knights (who could be likened to indirect fire), bishops (who provide enfillade fire), and rooks by moving them from their starting position into ones where they can more actively attack and defend. the middle of the board. There are even various systems for scoring board position based on piece development. If this isn’t a tech tree, I don’t know what is.

Cajal on “diseases of the will”

Charles Reiss (h/t) recently recommended me a short book by Santiago Ramón y Cajal (1852-1934), an important Spanish neuroscientist and physician. Cajal first published the evocatively titled  Reglas y Consejos sobre Investigación Cientifica: Los tónicos de la voluntad in 1897 and it was subsequently revised and translated various times since then. By far the most entertaining portion for me is chapter 5, entitled “Diseases of the Will”. Despite the name, what Cajal actually presents is a taxonomy of scientists who do contribute little to scientific inquiry:  “contemplators”, “bibliophiles and polyglots”, “megalomaniacs”, “instrument addicts”, “misfits”, and “theorists”. I include a PDF of this brief chapter, translated into English, here for interested readers, under my belief it is in the public domain.

Email discipline

There is a Discourse on what we might call email discipline. Here are a few related takes.

There are those who simply don’t respond to email at all. These people are demons and you should pay them no mind. 

Relatedly, there are those who “perform” some kind of message about their non-email responding. Maybe they have a long FAQ on their personal website about how exactly they do or do not want to be emailed. I am not sure I actually believe these people get qualitatively more email than I do. Maybe they get twice as much as me, but I don’t think anybody’s reading that FAQ buddy. Be serious.

There are those who believe it is a violation to email people off-hours, or on weekends or holidays, or whatever. I don’t agree: it’s an asynchronous communication mechanism, so that’s sort of the whole point. I can have personal rules about when I read email and these depend in no way on my rules (or lack thereof) about when you send them. Expecting people to know and abide by your Email Reading Rules FAQ is just as silly.

I have an executive function deficit, diagnosed as a child (you know the one), and if you’re lucky, they teach you strategies to cope. I think non-impaired people should just model one of the best: email can’t be allowed to linger. If it’s unimportant, you need to archive it. If it’s important you need to respond to it. You should not have a mass of unopened, unarchived emails at any point in your life. It’s really that easy.

Snacks at talks

The following is how to put out a classy spread for your next talk; ignoring beverages and extras, everything listed should ring up at around $50.

  • The most important snack is cheese. Yes, some people are vegan or lactose-intolerant, but cheese is one of the most universally-beloved snacks world-wide. Most cheeses keep for a while with refrigeration, and some even keep at room temperature. Cheese is, as a dear friend says, one of the few products whose quality scales more or less linearly with its price, and I would recommend at least two mid-grade cheeses. I usually buy one soft one (Camembert, Brie, and Stilton are good choices) and one semi-hard one (Emmental or an aged Cheddar for example). The cheese should be laid out on a cutting board with some kind of metal knife for each. The cheese should not be pre-cut (that’s a little tacky). Cheeses should be paired with a box of Carr’s Water Crackers or similar. Estimated price: $15-20.
  • Fresh finger vegetables are also universally liked. The easiest options are finger carrots and pre-cut celery sticks. If you can find pre-cut multi-color bell peppers or broccoli, those are good options too. You can pair this with some kind of creamy dip (it’s easy to make ranch or onion dip using a pint of sour cream and a dip packet, but you need a spoon or spatula to stir it up) but you certainly don’t have to. Estimated price: $10-20.
  • Fruit is a great option. The simplest thing to do is to just buy berries, but this is not foolproof: blueberries are a little small for eating by hand; raspberries lack structural integrity, and where I live, strawberries are only in season in the mid-summer, and are expensive and low-quality otherwise. In Mid-Atlantic cities, there are often street vendors who sell containers of freshly-cut fruit (this usually includes slices of pineapples and mangos and bananas, and perhaps some berries) and if this is available this is a good idea too. Estimated price: $10-15.

This, plus some water, is basically all you need to put out. Here are some ways to potentially extend it.

  • Chips are a good option. I think ordinary salty potato chips are probably the best choice simply because they’re usually eaten by themselves. In contrast, if you put out tortilla chips, you need to pair them with some kind of salsa or dip, and you need to buy a brand with sufficient “structural integrity” to actually pick up the dip.
  • Nuts are good too, obviously; maybe pick out a medley.
  • Soda water is really popular and cheap. I recommend 12oz cans. It should always be served chilled.
  • A few bottles or cans of beer may go over well. With rare exceptions, should be served chilled.
  • A bottle of wine may be appropriate. Chill it if it’s a varietal that needs to be chilled.

If the talk is before noon, coffee (and possibly hot water and tea bags) is more or less expected. There is something of a taboo in the States of consuming or serving alcohol before 4pm or so, and you may or may not want your event to have a happy hour atmosphere even if it’s in the evening.

And here are a few things I cannot recommend:

  • In my milieu it is uncommon for people to drink actual soda.
  • I wouldn’t recommend cured meats or charcuterie for a talk. The majority of people won’t touch the stuff these days, and it’s pretty expensive.
  • I love hummus, but mass-produced hummus is almost universally terrible. Make it at home (it’s easy if you have a food processor) or forget about it.
  • Store-bought guacamole tastes even worse, and it has a very short shelf life.

Introducing speakers

The following are my (admittedly normative) notes on how to introduce a linguistics speaker.

  • The genre most similar to the introduction of speaker is the congratulatory toast. An introduction should be brief, and the lengthy written introduction should be scorned. The speaker is already making an imposition on the audiences’ time, and for the host to usurp more of this time than necessary is a further imposition on both host and audience.
  • The introduction is not an opportunity for the introducer to demonstrate  erudition, but it can be an opportunity to show wit.
  • The introduction should be in the introducer’s voice. For this reason, a biography paragraph provided by the speaker should not be read as part of the introduction.
  • The introduction should be extemporaneous. The introducer can prepare brief notes, but they should fit on a notecard or their hand, and the notes should never be “read”.
  • Polite humor, brief personal anecdotes (e.g., when the introducer first met the speaker or became aware of their work), and heart-felt superlatives or compliments (one of the nicest introductions I ever received stated that I was “in the business of keeping people honest”) are to be encouraged.
  • The introduction should state the speakers’ current affiliation and title, if any, but need not list their full occupational or educational history unless it is judged relevant.
  • Introducers may feel an urge to read the title of the talk when concluding their introduction, but should resist this urge. There is no real need—the audience already has seen the talk title in the program or other announcements, and they can read the slide—and the speaker normally feels the need to read it out loud regardless.
  • The introduction should conclude with the speaker’s name. In one common style, which I consider elegant, the introducer is careful not to say the speaker’s full name until this conclusion, and uses epithets like “our next speaker” or “our honored guest” earlier in the introduction.

Professional organizations in linguistics

I am a member of the Linguistic Society of America (LSA) and the Association for Computational Linguistics (ACL), US-based professional organizations for linguists and computational linguists, respectively. (More precisely, I am usually a member. I think my memberships both lapsed during the pandemic and I renewed once I started going to their respective conferences again.)

I attend LSA meetings when they’re conveniently located (next year’s in Philly and we’re doing a workshop on Logical Phonology), and roughly one ACL-hosted meeting a year as well. As a (relatively) senior scholar I don’t find the former that useful (the scholarship is hit-or-miss and the LSA is dominated by a pandemonium of anti-generativists who are best just ignored), but the networking can be good. The *CL meetings tend to have more relevant science (or at least they did before prompt engineering…) but they’re expensive and rarely held in the ACELA corridor.

While the LSA and the ACL are called professional organizations, their real purview is mostly to host conferences. The LSA does some other stuff of course: they run Language, the institutes, and occasionally engage in lobbying, etc. But they do not have much to say about the lives of workers in these fields. The LSA doesn’t tell you about the benefits of unionizing your workplace. The ACL doesn’t give you ethics tips about what to do if your boss wants you to spy on protestors.  They don’t really help you get jobs in these fields either. They could; they just don’t.

There is an interesting contrast here with another professional organization I was once a member of: the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE, pronounced “aye Tripoli”). Obviously, I am not an electrical engineer, but electrical engineering was historically the home of speech technology research and their ASRU and SLT conferences are quite good in that subfield. During the year or so I was an IEEE member, I received their monthly magazine. Roughly half of it is in fact just stories of general interest to electrical engineers; one that stuck with me argued that the laws of physics preclude the existence of “directed energy weapons” claimed to cause Havana Syndrome. But the other half were specifically about the professional life of electrical engineers, including stuff about interviewing, the labor market outlook, and working conditions.

Imagine if Language had a quarterly professional column or if the ACL Anthology had a blog-post series…

Hiring season

It’s hiring season and your dean has approved your linguistics department for a new tenure line. Naturally, you’re looking to hire an exciting young “hyphenate” type who can, among other things, strengthen your computational linguistics offerings, help students transition into industry roles and perhaps even incorporate generative AI into more mundane parts of your curriculum (sigh). There are two problems I see with this. First, most people applying for these positions don’t actually have relevant industry experience, so while they can certainly teach your students to code, they don’t know much about industry practices. Secondly, an awful lot of them would probably prefer to be a full-time software engineer, all things considered, and are going to take leave—if not quit outright—if the opportunity ever becomes available. (“Many such cases.”) The only way to avoid this scenario, as I see it, is to find people who have already been software engineers and don’t want to be them anymore, and fortunately, there are several of us.

The dark triad professoriate

[I once again need to state that I am not responding any person or recent event. But remember the Law of the Subtweet: if you see yourself in some negative description but are not explicitly named, you can just keep that to yourself.]

There is a long debate about the effects of birth order on stable personality traits. A recent article in PNAS1 claims the effects are near null once proper controls are in place; the commentary it’s paired with suggests the whole thing is a zombie theory. Anyways, one of the claims I remember hearing was that older siblings were more likely to exhibit subclinical “Dark Triad” (DT) traits: Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy. Alas, this probably isn’t true, but it is easy to tell a story about why this might be adaptive. Time for some game theory. In a zero-sum scenario, if you’re the most mature (and biggest) of your siblings, you probably have more to gain from non-cooperative behaviors, and DT traits ought to select for said behaviors. A concrete (if contrived example): you can either hog or share the toy, and the eldest is by more likely to get away with hogging.

I wonder whether the scarcity of faculty positions—even if overstated (and it is)—might also be adaptive for dark triad traits. I know plenty of evil Boomer professors, but not many that are actually DT, and if I had to guess, these traits (particularly the narcissism) are much more common in younger (Gen X and Millennial) cohorts. Then again, this could be age-grading, since anti-social behaviors peak in adolescence and decline afterwards.

Endnotes

  1. This is actually a “direct submission”, not one of those mostly-phony “Prearranged Editor” pieces. So it might be legit.